People pleasing is a habit and while you’re busy pleasing others you won’t be happy. Yet even though that’s true, it doesn’t stop us from doing it.
I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
For instance, after a movie with a friend comes the question as to whether or not you liked it. You know it’s one of their favourites so yes, it was wonderful is your reply! Truth is, you hated it.
But you don’t want them to know because they might not ask you again, or worse, they might judge you on your opinion and you want them to like you, so you say yes.
Well you’re not alone. Most of us indulge in people pleasing to some extent. Though we justify it to ourselves with excuses as to why we’re doing it, it comes down to not feeling enough somehow.
Combine this with I’ve got to be friends with them because they matter – and you’ve got yourself a recipe for disaster!
So we continue to put other people’s opinions, welfare, and well-being before our own.
People pleasing damages your self worth
It simply doesn’t work, not long term. The unrealistic desire to have people like us, regardless of whether or not it’s reciprocated, is harmful to our already damaged self esteem.
Yet somewhere in the past we learned that it’s important to please others so that they’d like us. That if the do we’ll feel good enough. We’ll feel OK about us!
People pleasing, a false perception
But it’s a false perception which doesn’t serve you because when it doesn’t come off, it only makes you more unhappy. That’s because putting other people’s opinions before your own sends a message to yourself that you’re not good enough; and that’s not good enough!
It’s time to think what you think, and do what you do, and not need other people’s permission to do so.
I don’t mean you should behave in an unthinking or uncaring manner; on the contrary, the more you do what you believe is right for YOU, the nicer you are to be around, and the more you’ll experience a sense of freedom that comes with trusting in the Universe and yourself, which is a wonderful experience to be sure!