Recently I’ve been thinking about what it is to be a victim, or to have a victim mentality. Feeling like a victim most of the time is a difficult way to live.
I know because I felt like a victim for many years. But experience today is teaching me that moving beyond our inner victim is one of the most important steps towards happiness.
We spend a lot of time living in our Victim hood
I believe it’s because we’re taught to avoid emotional pain by blaming it on other people. This creates the notion that we’re not responsible for how we feel, they are. If they just behaved as we’d like them too, there wouldn’t be a problem.
Other people aren’t responsible for how we feel
But this isn’t the reality of life and invariably we’re left feeling guilty and depressed, because on a deeper, more intuitive level we know it’s not true. In fact, other people aren’t responsible, because how we feel is based on how we think, and how we think is our responsibility, not theirs.
We do the choosing of how we’ll respond or react to others, they don’t choose those responses or reactions for us.
In the long run we shape our lives and we shape ourselves . . . and the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Ultimately, it’s this false belief that others are responsible which leads to the self perpetuating state of feeling like a victim.
And as long as we believe that others are responsible, we’ll remain stuck. If we believe ‘I’m feeling upset and it’s your fault”, we’re telling ourselves an untruth, a story, depicting them as the evil wrong doer and ourselves as the innocent victim.
Now, if all our life experiences are based on these old ideas about who’s responsible and who’s not, then at this point we’re well into the maze. And the only way out is to shift our awareness back on to ourselves, because at the end of the day, that’s the only place the solution can be found.
It’s time to break the chain
We’ve been learning these old responses from the cradle, and the people who taught us were probably raised by people who believed the same fault finding and blaming others mindset. It’s time to break the chain.
Time to take a different approach to how we go about our life. This begins with letting go of the old idea that others are to blame for anything that we think, say or do. These thoughts clearly don’t work for us and only keep us trapped in the belief that we’re a victim and can do nothing about it.
Such thinking is dishonest. I believe we can move forward, towards something that is infinitely healthier, more wonderful and within our grasp; it’s just a matter of deciding that we want something different, then reaching out to change it, one step at a time.